Feelings of anger arise from the way we interpret and react to certain situations. Everyone has their own triggers for what makes them angry.
The way you interpret and react to a situation depends on a multitude of factors in your life, including: childhood and upbringing, past experiences, and mitigating circumstances.
How we learn to cope with feelings of anger is often influenced by our upbringing. Many people receive messages about anger as children that may make it harder for them to manage it as adults. For example:
* You may have believed in childhood that it is always okay to act aggressively or violently, and thus you do not understand how to manage your angry feelings. This could later mean that you have angry outbursts whenever you dislike someone’s behavior or when you find yourself in an unpleasant situation.
* You may have believed in childhood that you should not complain and were punished for expressing anger. This leads, as an adult, to a tendency to suppress anger, which becomes a long-term issue where you react inappropriately in difficult situations.
* You may have witnessed the uncontrolled anger of parents or other adults in childhood and now associate anger with something destructive and terrible. This can cause you to fear your own anger and feel unsafe expressing your feelings. These feelings may lead to another uncontrolled moment, which can be hard to explain.
Anger can also be a part of grief. If you have lost someone important to you, it can be extremely difficult to cope with all the conflicting feelings you may have. A psychologist can provide insights and support in this situation.
Anger is not always a bad emotion; sometimes it can be helpful. For example, the feeling of anger can help us:
* identify problems or things that hurt us
* motivate us to create change
* help us defend ourselves in dangerous situations by providing a burst of energy
But unfortunately, most of the time it is a problem. This can happen when:
* you repeatedly express your anger through unhelpful or destructive behavior
* your anger negatively impacts your mental and physical health
If the way you behave when you feel upset causes problems in your life or relationships, it is worth considering ways you can choose to manage anger and learn about your treatment and support options.
Regularly expressing strong anger over long periods can also affect physical health, contributing to illnesses such as colds and flu (due to a weakened immune system), gastrointestinal issues, or high blood pressure.
What can I do to control my anger?
Look for warning signs. Anger can cause a surge of adrenaline in your body, so before you recognize the emotion you are feeling, you might notice:
* your heart beating faster
* your breathing becoming quicker
* your body becoming tense
* your jaw or fists clenching
Recognizing these signs gives you the chance to think about how you want to react to a situation before doing anything. This can be difficult in the heat of the moment, but the earlier you notice, the easier it is to choose how to manage your anger.
Sometimes, when anger manifests, you need to step away for a moment and think about how to handle the situation. During that time you could:
* count to 10 before reacting
* take a short walk
* talk to a trusted friend who is not connected to the situation. Expressing your thoughts out loud can help you better understand what is bothering you and help you calm down.
Try some techniques to manage your feelings
* breathe slowly; try to inhale and exhale slowly, focusing on each breath
* relax your body; if you feel your body tense, try to focus on each part of your body, relaxing your muscles
* use some of your energy safely; this can help you release energy in a way that does not harm yourself or others. For example: tear a newspaper, hit a pillow, etc.
* do something to distract yourself; anything that shifts your thoughts away from the situation can stop your anger. For example: listen to music, dance, color, take a shower, etc.
